“No woman likes giving a blow job for the sake of a blow job. It’s simply a means to an end. Right?”
So said a friend of erotica whirlwind, Sommer Marsden, prompting an open-mouthed Sommer to declare ‘Wrong! Surely?’ Happily, a chorus of cocksuckers agreed and stepped up (or knelt down) to extol the virtues of giving head. A few days later, The Blow Hard Tour was born. It looks like this:
March 31st: Sommer Marsden
April 1st: Alison Tyler
April 2nd: Dakota Rebel
April 3rd: Erobintica
April 4th: Cora Zane
April 5th: Heidi Champa
April 6th: EllaRegina
April 7th: Marina St. Clare
April 8th: Emerald
April 9th: Kristina Wright
April 10th: Isabel Kerr
April 11th: Neve Black
And I’m excited to say I’ll be joining this phalanx of fellatio fans by following up with a slutty little encore. So it looks set to be a fortnight of filth, fiction, jaw ache, jism, prizes and surprises.
Sommer is counting down to blast off right now and if you head (!) over to her blog today, you’ll find a hot MFM excerpt from my vampire short, The Funhouse is Closed Mondays. This story is from the Black Lace anthology, Lust at First Bite, which also features Sommer’s hot, witty and wildly original, There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute. In my Funhouse, Simeon and Suzanne, two snow vampires from my novella, The Vampire’s Heart (in Lust Bites), have upped sticks and are now living on a defunct ghost train in a deserted Coney Island. There they meet Christophe, leader of the pack …
Christophe gave an arrogant laugh. ‘This ain’t a floor show, lady,’ he said, crossing to her. ‘This ain’t a pleasure palace. This ain’t the fucking movies! This is about me. Me! Me and my dick. It ain’t about you or what you want to watch. You don’t count for jack shit. You getting that, missy?’
Suzanne smiled nervously and licked her lips.
Wet man! Wet man! At last, the Gods have heard me!
Here’s the wonderfully sexy new cover for Lust at First Bite, the forthcoming collection of vampire shorts from Black Lace (UK November; US Jan 09). It’s particularly thrilling to see today because I’ve just been ranting chez Jeremy Edwards about all those erotica covers featuring half-naked women. Really, it’s time erotica publishers woke up to the fact that women read smut too and there’s this thing called ‘gender equality’ some of us are into (not to mention porning over men, which *cough* some of us are into as well).
Anyway, vampires! This collection includes my story, The Funhouse is Closed Mondays. It’s a spin-off from my snow-vampire novella, The Vampire’s Heart, and features two of the characters, Simeon and Suzanne, now living in a derelict ghost train on Coney Island. It’s the first short story anthology for a while from BL and looks to be a goody.
And, just to offset the jolly happy news on the cover-art front, here’s the new German translation of Asking for Trouble, one of the ugliest, most objectifying and misogynistic cover images I’ve seen in a long time. I’ve made the pic super-duper tiny because I don’t want to cause eye-bleed in anyone. But yes, they really do seem to have erased the woman’s head with a badly photoshopped hood, all the better to highlight her tits. If you want to see the image in its full horror, go here. And if anyone can translate Gib’s Mir, I’d be most grateful. I think it’s one of those tricksy idiomatic ones and I’m told, worryingly, it means something like ‘sock it’. *Weeps!*
‘Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.’
- Erica Jong
The next four letters – I, J, K, L – in Alison Tyler‘s adorable alphasmut series are now available. I’m in J is for Jealousy (US here) with ‘Such a Special Couple’, a story about a woman who finds pictures of her boyfriend’s ex in his forbidden ‘Bluebeard room’. She’s not happy.
My contributor’s copies arrived today and I’m thrilled to see I’m there with fellow filthsters Nikki Magennis, Shanna Germain, Sommer Marsden and Jeremy Edwards. Today, Alison’s featuring J is for Jealousy on her blog so head that way for more.
Billy, the main vampire in my novella, The Vampire’s Heart, is quite literally a green-eyed monster: ‘His eyes were as hauntingly green as the aurora borealis that sometimes lit the northern skies.’ Check out this fabulous review from Tumperkin who writes about my ‘startling and lovely prose. [Lloyd] is such a visual writer. You see and feel every detail.’ Ah, that makes me happy.
And if you’re in the UK and want to spend money on some smut, now’s your chance. There are bargains galore on Amazon. Get the chart-topping Asking for Trouble for only £3.59! Darker Than Love and Lust Bites for just £3.99! And since you’ve saved yourself so much money, why not treat yourself to Split which is a snip at £5.99! And hell, while you’re there you may as well add Jealousy for £6.39. Hurry while stocks last!
I think I’ll stop there before I start sounding cheap.
I am released! Today sees the UK publication of both Split, my hot puppet smut novel, and The Vampire’s Heart, my hot vampire novella. Two books out on the same day is, to quote Madeline Moore paraphrasing Tom Wolfe, ‘freaky fucking deaky!’ I think it means I get double of everything I want. All. Day. Long.
Also, excitingly, I am November’s author on Love Honey’s newly-launched erotic online book club. The book club’s Book of the Month is Asking for Trouble, my dark tale of sleaze, submission and danger. You can read an interview with me, join a discussion forum, and buy the book for a sluttishly cheap 99p.
So, correction: I think this means I get triple of everything. All. Month. Long.
To celebrate, I’m giving away a copy each of today’s hot releases, Split and Lust Bites. Just say hello in the comments and I’ll pick a winner next week.
Thanks to the very fabulous Olivia Knight for drowning me in Pinotage (left).
Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Mine’s a triple!