Smart Ass

Smart Ass is out! This is the third ebook in the annual anal erotica series from Pretty Things Press and, appropriately, my story is about a threesome (BrE) – or a threeway (AmE)!

I  love writing for this series! My first story for our Ass ebooks was a M/M piece set in Istanbul, Strangers in the Bathhouse. I then went for anal sex with an astronaut and a couple whose marriage was on the (moon)rocks, and wrote Dark Side of the Moon. And this year I have My Ass is Your Ass is My Ass, a full-on, filthy, D/s threeway (MFM).

Here’s the official blurb:

Coral’s a barmaid with two lovers, at least. When her main squeeze, Tony, insists she keep one thing for him, anal or deep-throating, Coral hands him ownership of her ass. But Snowy, her other lover, unhappy at missing out, wants to challenge Tony’s dominance. In the ensuing battle for her butt, Coral figures the issue is best resolved by taking both guys to bed for a hot, hard threeway.

And I’m not even going to begin telling you what inspired this story!

Hurry, hurry! If you buy Smart Ass from Smashwords before the end of Saturday (17 Sept), you’ll get 25% discount. Here’s how:

Go here to purchase the ebook

Before you checkout, enter the coupon code DZ33X

This results in a promotional price of $3.37! Full price is $4.49. If, like me, you are a bewildered Brit, this is approx £2.85 down to £2.10. Brits, to get your piece of promo ass, simply act like a Yank (I believe they chew gum and say ‘Yee-ha! How awfully awesome!’), download from Smashwords, it does the math(s) and you get your goodies in a flash! (No e-reader required, just a computer.). I haven’t got a clue when Sat 17th Sept actually ends, so grab it while you can!

Smart Ass is also available at All Romance and on Kindle UK and Kindle US. (And you can get the Kindle app for PC for free: free Kindle UK and free Kindle US)

The latter (Amazon US) has flummoxed me because I wanted to add my story, My Ass is Your Ass is My Ass, to my listmania list of main publications. But it seems Amazon US regards  ’ass’ in listmanias as ‘inappropriate language’, even though it’s cool to have ‘ass’ in a title for sale (not to mention that ‘ass’ is totally appropriate for an anal-sex anthology!). So anyways, I had to rewrite my title as ‘My As* is Your A*s is My *ss’! Scroll down to see my as(s)terisks! Interestingly, I tried a BrE version of the title – My Arse is Your Arse is My Arse - and Amazon US accepts that. But that ain’t what my story’s called! These days, I generally go for ‘ass’ to make my smut more accessible/acceptable to a US audience (and don’t even get me started on the trouble I have with knickers, pants, suspenders and so on) but maybe ‘arse’ would slip past the ass-censors! Crazy.

Anyway, here’s the opening to my story:

My Ass is Your Ass is My Ass

So, there he is with his cock in my ass, and I’m biting the pillow, making all sorts of groans. At least, that’s how it looks on the outside. Not that anyone’s watching. We’re in my bedroom and very alone together, the way you are when someone’s fucking your ass. Very alone together.

So that’s the outside view: kinda porny and inadequate. On the inside, I’m floating in a space nebula, and star clusters of silver are pulsing bright and dark. I’m about to go supernova when Tony makes a breathless demand. “You’ve got to save one thing for me,” he says. “Your ass or your throat.”

He could be speaking a foreign language. Slow colorbursts spread across my mind like intergalactic ink stains: electric blue and peacock green with halos of neon pink and gold. My ass is so stretched and full of his big, beautiful dick.
“What is it, huh?” he says. “I’m giving you a choice here. You gotta make up your mind. Anal or deep-throating?”

I wail and whimper. The question’s too difficult. It’s like he asked me to explain string theory.

“Come on,” he urges. “I know you fuck other guys. No need to be shy. I know you’re a slut but you’re my slut, see?” His fingers grip below my hips. “So you got to put up a ‘reserved’ sign on one part of your body. ‘Only for Tony.’ What’s it to be? Ass or throat?”

I want to work through the question employing all my faculties of reason. I want to write a list of pros and cons and give due consideration to the implications of this decision, both for my myself, for my relationship with Tony and with the others. But I can’t. So I reach into deep space and pluck a word from a distant constellation, a single syllable burning bright and white.

“Ass. My ass.”

Tony groans and holds himself deep. “Good girl,” he murmurs. Whenever he says that, I go loose with lust. “What am I doing right now?” he asks.

My words are tangled up with stars. “Fucking me.”

“Where’s my cock?”

“In my ass.”

“Whose ass?” He slides away and in again, slow and controlled. “Whose ass is it really?”

I’m spiraling toward a whirlpool of blackness and I fight the pull, knowing gravity wants to steal my words.

“It’s your ass,” I say. “My ass is your ass.”

“That’s right,” he breathes.

“Is my ass,” I gasp. When I come, I fall through nights of liquid velvet, lights prickling as ageless galaxies die across the dark skies of my mind.

***

That was five months ago. I’ve been with half a dozen other guys since then and I’ve kept my word. Well, more or less …

You can read a whole lot more on Smashwords because mine’s the first story in the collection and the first 20% of the book is free to read!

Smart Ass also includes super-sexy buttfuck fic from Sommer Marsden, Thomas S. Roche, Alison Tyler and Sophia Valenti.

Something for the weekend? With 25% off?

Ah, go on! Treat yourself!

Man Candy Monday

I do like a man with a strong pair of hands and a hefty wristwatch.

I have a piece of flash fic, Sexy Time, about this very topic set to go live at Forthegirls.com this Thursday (Aug 25th). For the Girls is brought to you by the awesome Ms Naughty and features lots of gorgeous men, articles, reviews, sexy stories and dirty movies. It’s the biggest porn site for straight women and, needless to say, I’m a fan!

Thanks for the pic go to Jo, a woman with excellent taste in wrist action.

More filthy fun: the third in our series of annual, anal-erotica ebooks (I love saying that) will be coming your way very soon. This year, Thomas Roche will be joining Sommer Marsden, Alison Tyler, Sophia Valenti and me to bring you Smart Ass. Check out Alison’s intriguing teaser from her story, Plucked (what a title!). I don’t know anything about the other stories yet but I can’t wait to get to the proof-reading stage. One of the rules of proof reading is read the piece in its entirety before you start fixing typos. If you start off looking for typos without that crucial, hands-off read-through, chances are you’ll get distracted by the content. I reckon the content in Smart Ass is going to be very distracting – and that initial, hands-off reading could prove a challenge …

I’ll tell you more about my story closer to the time. All I can say for now is, this piece of ass was a joy to write and I’m so pleased with how it turned out.

Man in Pants

Yesterday, I had a plan to post some man candy for Lady Porn Day but instead found myself writing a piece about Jacqui Smith for The Guardian, a necessary but distinctly less pleasurable activity.

Lady Porn Day got off to a rocky start with flyers primarily depicting half-naked women, a move smartly and swiftly criticised by Maymay and Remittance Girl for lacking diversity and for failing to show us the dudes. LPD creator, Rabbit White, has to be applauded for taking these criticisms on board. Her site now has some great images of sexy men and her project is shaping up to be a wonderful space for sharing info, experiences and links. I love this post where comments from women expressing their thoughts on porn are posted on retro porn pics. ‘I HATE STORYLINES’ someone yells. Me too! I don’t need a narrative with my visual porn. I read books and watch films for narrative. I want my porn to cut to the chase, thanks.

Anyway, the man in pants. Oh my! If you’ve read my stuff, you may know I adore men with shaved heads and stubble, wearing big, bad boots. I’m also rather partial to unwaxed bodies, hairy arms and hefty wristwatches. Crikey, and look at those thighs! Truly, he is one of the most beautiful men I’ve seen for some time. He’s advertising posh pants here and he has a dog and reads books and is sensitive and rugged and everything! Eternal gratitude to Elizabeth Coldwell for bringing him to my attention.

In other news, the Valentine’s reading in Hoxton went wonderfully well. KD Grace has posted a fab write up complete with pics on her blog. Last night in Brighton, one of my stories was read (not by me) at Are You Sitting Comfortably?, an event created by White Rabbit (this is nothing to do with Rachel/Rabbit White/Write of LPD – pay attention!). These are delightfully bonkers, themed evenings (last night was ‘Sex’) held regularly in Brighton and London, and are well worth checking out.

More good stuff – our anal erotica ebooks, BadAss and Kiss My Ass, are still selling ridiculously well. Sales over Christmas were great – and that made sense because we’d made Violet Blue’s annual hot list and over the holidays everyone’s drunk and they want it up the arse. Uh, I mean they have more time for reading. But sales have been even higher since then. I am so thrilled by this, and I love that people are reading my anal sex with an astronaut story because it’s a piece that, for all its melancholy, makes me happy.

Well, that’s my round up of happenings in Kristina World. I only have one more thing to say: WET.

We’re officially hot!

I’m a little behind (heh) with this news but hey – it’s never too late to celebrate: we made Violet Blue’s annual ‘best hot books’ list with our anal sex ebooks, Bad Ass and Kiss My Ass! I’m so thrilled!

There’s currently a giveaway on Good Reads where you can win a print copy of Kiss My Ass. Yep, that’s right – a print copy! Alison Tyler is turning digital into the hard stuff and making pocket erotica with several PTP e-titles. And today, Alison has launched a book giveaway on her blog – to enter, quote your favourite line from an erotic story. I’m delighted to see that Alison has quoted me, saying:

I’m going to start. I love this line. I just fucking love it. I love the way it makes you think:

When Jackson came back from the moon, he was a little changed.

This is the opening to Dark Side of the Moon by Kristina Lloyd found in Bad Ass. You can read a snip of the story here.

*

In non-anal-sex-related news, I’m happy to report the Kinky Christmas reading at Sh! in Hoxton last Friday was a blast! I’d thought turnout might be low since people are so busy at this time of year but I needn’t have worried. The shop was packed and I had a fabulous time listening to smut, drinking pink fizz, signing books and chatting. I also got to fondle an Njoy Eleven – such a beautiful object. (Oi, Santa! Are you listening?) For more about the evening’s events, check out KD Grace’s write up. We’re hoping to do a Valentine’s reading next year – I’m already looking forward to all the hot lovin’!

Happy, horny Hallowe’en!

Split, my spooky, sexy, third novel, is currently hovering around £3.70 on Amazon UK. I have no idea why Amazon prices go up and down but this is a bargain!

Split tells the story of librarian, Kate Carter, who runs away from her London life to take a job in a lonely puppet museum on the Yorkshire Moors. In the weird little village of Heddlestone, she becomes entangled with the kinky and darkly compelling puppetmaster, Jake, and his boorish but irresistible brother, Eddie. Split between the two men, hungry for both of them but trusting neither, Kate moves closer to uncovering the truth behind the secrets of Heddlestone. Danger is ever-present but Kate can’t tell if the greatest threat comes from ghosts or reality.

Split is also available on Kindle for £3.50. Sadly, Americans don’t get much of a discount but Split is available on Amazon US for $7.19

Read a sexy excerpt, grab yourself a British bargain, and cosy up with some dark, scary sexiness this autumn.

(Um, also, please ignore the Amazon UK review which describes Split as being about ‘female domination’. Seriously, femdom? Me? I think not!)